Depression? Really? One shepherd’s journey…{pt. 1}

I am not a mental health professional, nor do I play one on TV.

I’m not going to try and give some sort of “one way cures all” remedy in this series. Yes, I am called ‘pastor’ by some, but I’m just a man. I put my pants on just like everyone else. I eat and eliminate just like any other human being! Yes, I have a strong faith in my Creator God, His Son Jesus Christ, and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Yes, I also believe that God can and does heal many different issues and diseases…and sometimes…He takes you on a journey through something in order to draw you closer to Him. And that journey is a process.

This is my process, and I’m not quite sure when it began, so bear with me.

If you are following my wife’s blog – onewomandelivered.wordpress.com – then you know a bit of my background, at least what she has shared. If not, then here is the condensed version. I’ll unpack some more of it as I work through this series.

I was an addict. I didn’t get there right off the get go. It started as “recreational” usage brought on by peer pressure at the age of 15. I wanted to fit in and be accepted by the older guys I worked with.

Then it escalated shortly after the start of my Junior year in high school. A friend I had for several years was hanging out with other guys and shunning me. Again, I wanted to be accepted. I had a job, money, they had the stuff I thought would help me fit in.

That didn’t last too long though. As with using, you get stupid, but you don’t think you’re stupid, you’re just having fun. Ditching school, screwing around, typical teenage angst, right? Well, I got busted and stopped hanging with them. More out of not giving away who they were, I wasn’t gonna snitch them out.

I’ll just suck it up and take the brunt of it. That’s what guys do, that’s what we’re taught…Man up! Right?

My usage continued though, I just got “smarter” at it. It did taper off a bit more for awhile, only because of a girl I was going with who wouldn’t put up with it. So I just got even “smarter” just less often. I started drinking more during this period too, just another escape though.

I was hooked by this point. It felt good to get numb, to escape, to stuff down the crap I thought was so horrible in my life, to ignore it all for a bit. Yeah, like that works!

I just didn’t know what I was trying to escape from, or stuff down. I had a good life. Parents who loved me, provided for me; sure they were busy making a living and we didn’t spend a lot of time together, but what did I have to escape from?

Maybe that’s when my process began. This process God has been guiding me through all these years.

We are told in Proverbs 20:24 “A man’s steps are determined by the Lord, so how can anyone understand his own way?”

And over in Psalm 139:16 it says, “Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began.”

So am I supposed to be on this journey?

I believe in God and His plan for me, so, yeah, this is my journey, my process…

Stay tuned!

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5 responses to “Depression? Really? One shepherd’s journey…{pt. 1}

  1. Pingback: Eeyore and Grace! | One Shepherd's Stance

  2. I look forward to reading your journey…I have several journeys…my bouts with addiction…depression…Bipolar..General Anxiety…Bulimia…you name it…So yeah, your journey will help me understand mine…

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