Depression? Really? One Shepherd’s journey…{part III}


Life is a highway!

So I had survived to my 18th birthday (some people probably lost a bet on that one) and had moved out of my folks house. Life was gonna be great! Had a room in a nice little house with a guy I had met. It was a mellow party atmosphere, things we going good.

Until I lost my job. Had to borrow money from my folks to pay rent. That sucked…Mr. Independent…right! I went into a tail spin…drinking…smoking…not caring about anything…trying to find work…just didn’t care about stuff though.

I met this girl, she was 3 years younger than me, we hit it off pretty well, and within a very short time we were together and talking marriage, yeah really! I moved in with her and her Mom, looked into going into the Air Force, tried…got denied (I’ll share that story sometime).

After the Air Force thing I did get a job at the local hardware/lumber store. It was a good thing too, cuz we had a baby on the way, yeah! A baby!

Even though things were going alright, I still had the need to numb myself and escape. Something was there, just lurking around that I couldn’t put my finger on, but numbing it helped me to ignore it.

The baby was born in July, a beautiful girl…and 14 months later we had another girl. The partying continued. Here I was, a 20 year old, married father of two, just spinning my wheels at life. Sometime in late spring of that year, it all fell apart…

My attention was not where it should have been…and we split…divorce proceedings started…my life was in the crapper…I just went through the days in a blur.

I had worked my way up to Assistant Manager but my boss was a real hard a**. I decided I didn’t need his crap anymore…being embarrassed and demeaned in front of customers…so I quit. Went to work nights at a convenience store, then got a better job at a warehouse in the wholesale flower business.

That job was sweet. The hours were great…go in on Sunday at 2 pm, work till 8 am the next day, then do that again on Tuesday and Thursday. It gave me time with my girls, which we were sharing custody…until she planned on moving 6 hours away with her new guy. Then the custody battle began.

My life style of partying just continued through it all. I hid it pretty well I thought. Besides I still had to numb that thing that was lurking around. I still didn’t know what it was and I didn’t care. It was just about surviving at this point. Getting my girls…

If you had told me then that I was showing signs of depression I would have laughed. But looking back now as I write this…I guess it would have made sense…it does now…

But hey, “life goes on”, and “life is a highway” as they say! So that’s what I did…

Remember that girl I wrote about in Number B of this series? The one that was off limits…

That’s where I’ll pick up next time…

As my grandfather always said, “Well–Good day!”


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