Depression? Really? One Shepherd’s journey…{number VI}

So we roll into Reno before the court house is open…cruise around the block and see a little store front wedding chapel and decide this place is as good as any. The guy inside says he’ll have to call the officiant and it may take a little while for him to get there. When he shows up, we can see why…he’s like a hundred and forty years old…shuffling in with his cane…but he’s a sweet old guy…he’s there, let’s do this!

We head home…now we are married…we’re happy with our decision and ready to really make a go of things…but we are not planning on telling anyone right away…we chose to wait a week or so, then start telling family and friends…{my dark lurking cloud has moved of into the distance, still there, just not blocking out the sun as often}…

My grandmother was actually thrilled, I kinda figured she was trying to play matchmaker all along by her reaction. Other members of the family on both sides were not as excited, but they accepted it…slowly.

The real kicker came when we notified our exes…I found out that my divorce papers had gotten officially signed two days after our ceremony in Reno, thus making it invalid! We joked about this being the opportunity to jump ship, free and clear, no harm – no foul! But we didn’t take the easy way out…we went to Tahoe instead!

We actually made it official in the courthouse at Carson City…on our way back over the hill, the timing belt on our car goes out…I’m beginning to think we are doomed!!! Three days and $800 dollars later we head home…we hadn’t packed for this trip…nothing…it was going to be a quick ‘Let’s make it legal’ thing…

For a guy who often questions his decisions, this was not a good start, the cloud may have been building but I was ignoring it…I was working at a job with people that covered all my normal numbing preferences…I didn’t have to go far…and I took my new bride right down the path with me…”misery loves company” right?

We keep this up for a while, a year or so…twice a month traveling 800 miles round trip for visitation with my girls…that finally took its toll. We were too much into ourselves and decided to stop the back and forth and move south to be closer to the girls and not have to do all that driving.

After a few months living with my parents {can you see the storm clouds brewing?} we found a place in a little mountain hamlet…this was nice, but it wasn’t paradise.

We’d been trying to get pregnant…that was not an easy thing, not the trying part! The staying part…we had lost three in the process {storm clouds were swirling}. But we were finally blessed with a little girl, just seven weeks early!

I had gone back to work in the flower industry, then got an offer from the hardware store I had worked at, the owner I didn’t get along with was now gone, his wife was running things, it was her families business…then they let me go…

I was caught in a tornado and it wasn’t headed to Kansas…or Oz for that matter! I spent the better part of the next year and a half being a stay at home dad…still just getting by day-to-day…

Stay tuned…


P.S. It has been an interesting journey so far remembering all of this stuff, noticing the times in my life that I was in that dark place now known as depression. Having the information that I have now and reflecting is becoming a welcoming healing process in my journey…I hope and pray it helps you also!

Well–Good Day!


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