Depression? Really? One Shepherd’s journey…{part eight}

That glimmer of hope came to me during an amazing moment when God showed up. I had blogged earlier this month about being clean for 19 years. Well the hope came in the message of a warning really, kind of a question too.

I had picked up the Bible that was in that hotel room {the first time I had picked up a Bible in years}, and held it in my hands; said that simple prayer and God started cleaning me up. It was like the top of my head was split open and cool clear water was being poured through my entire being and shooting out my toes!

Later on in the night I took that Bible and started looking up some passages. I wasn’t sure where to turn to or what to read, but I remember the point of what I read…I needed to be prepared for the return of the Lord! The way I was living my life was not what He had planned for me. God was asking me if I was ready to face Him on His terms.

We cleared out that hotel room of what paraphernalia we had and went to sleep. Got up the next morning and headed to our apartment to clean that place out. There was so much crap we had accumulated!

I was feeling great…the cloud had lifted…I felt like things were on a right path now…was this what I’d been missing…was this what I had been numbing myself from?

Things went along pretty smooth for a while. Sure, we had our bumps and tumbles along the way. It’s a process when you start turning your life over to God. Some things are instant transformations, others take time, lots of time. And as time passed, I guess looking back now, there were some things that I just pushed aside. Things that I felt were just gone; no need to deal with them.

I’m not perfect, I’m just forgiven! Right? Just like the bumper sticker!

I think somewhere in this series I mentioned that depression shows itself in different ways with men. Being that gender, I had learned to pack my sh*t pretty tight…don’t let others in…keep those emotions in check…suck it up butter cup!

People would see me and think I was always pissed off. I’d sluff it off as just being tired, or focused on my job. But when it starts to effect your relationships…that’s when you scramble…that’s when the “salesman” comes out to try and save the day.

You may be asking…”Yeah, how’s that working for you?”

Well, if you’re a good enough salesman, you can pull it off for a while, but then the BS gets too thick to swim through and you’ve lost your paddle way down the river…

Stay tuned, I’ll wrap this series up this week and move on to more of the random crap in my head…

Well–Good Day!


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